| Im tired of being alone.
No one reads this anyway, I can type here I guess.
Ill leave this world the same way I came in it.
Alone.
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| I havent even looked at this thing in nearly 2 years.
Im not even sure where to begin. So much has happened in time. I have had a lot of troubles plaguing me lately, some that are hard to understand, and some that are hard to get off of my chest. I have had a few people tell me I should just write down everything that I think and feel. But to be honest with you, I will just type them out, because if you have ever seen my handwriting, it would take me a little longer to write rather than type.
Have you ever had that best friend that you had when you were little? Typically as children, your friend is that of the same sex as you, and you are inseperable. You run around and play all day, no problems on the forefront, no bills, no bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, or documented spinal problems.
I AM 21 YEARS OLD.
Maybe I shouldnt have these problems, but I can try to help them. I recently started taking Lexapro for depression, and I do not think it was working. I could tell a drastic change in my behavior. I was even more unhappy then before the Lexapro, and add some painkillers for my back pains into the mix, and you get a monster. I was that monster.
I have stopped taking the Lexapro and other medications since Friday, and to be honest, I feel a little better. Instead of medicine, im going to try and get on a good diet, renew my gym membership, and if my back pain persists, maybe some physical therapy.
The doctor asked me to take a couple of tests last week, and so I did. I answered a slew of questions, and not too many I were proud about. But I answered truthfully to every question. Even the final question on the paper: Have you ever had thoughts about your own death?
What is really crazy is that the other night I had a dream, and it was a dream with someone I knew, but I dont remember whom it was, but they were holding a gun to their head. Then they began to explain to me how to properly kill myself. Just because I may have a weird dream about something, DOES NOT MEAN I THINK ABOUT IT OR PLAN ON DOING IT. That is just a disclaimer that I am not stupid NOR suicidal.
You know how I was speaking earlier of the best friends? Well take into account that the child is all grown up, and his childhood friend has moved on. But I have found another friend. One that is the best friend that I have ever had in my entire life. She has invaded my life (well, using invaded sounds bad, but I mean it in the best way) and turned a lot of things around for me. For the better of course. And we started out the same as my childhood, being playful and never missing a beat. My health issues were eating me alive, and I had to wake up from my zombie-like state and realize that I was pushing away my best friend.
I cannot lose her.
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| Well... Things are looking up, and going greatly. YAY!
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| Soo........ How many of you still read this thing?
I love you guys, :).
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| Got arrested. Went to court. Must go back to court the 26th. Lets pray I dont go to jail. Nuff said.
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